Organization Goes to the Airport
by Organization III
Summary: Xemnas has decided that if there is one thing that the Organization is bad at, it's blending in. So, a trip to a people filled airport is perfect! Of course, plane hijacking is also on the mind.
1. And I Thought Trips Were Recreational

Organization XIII did not have an official meeting hall. When a meeting was needed over the normal announcement over the intercom, the member who wanted to call the meeting would generally stalk the dining hall until everyone had arrived, then begin talking.

For the most part, this system worked fairly well. The only time meetings did not work well is when everyone was actually told to come to them. This often resulted in a number of members simply being "not hungry" and staying in their rooms. In fact, when Xemnas had first tried to have this as a normal regime, Axel was the only one who consistently did not show up. –For future reference, this is why he is so freakishly thin.

All reasons, however, could not account for why every single man and woman had a bad stomach ache the day Xemnas finally decided to announce that they were all going to take a vacation. Zexion and Vexen had survived their day prior on the leftovers stuffed in their mini-fridge, as they were on a breakthrough, Axel had forgotten to come to both lunch and supper, only coming to snag an exceptionally large cup of coffee and a muffin, and Roxas had been sitting in his room, talking to Namine, who had helping him with his "let's destroy equipment" anger strikes. Something to do with memory loss. Whatever. In any case, there was no reason _everyone_ would have problems the day after. Xemnas suspected a snitch. He glowered in a rather becoming way.

"I must remain secure in my superiority," Xemnas sniffed to himself as he made his way down the dorm hall, rapping on each door. When he reached the end of the hall, he turned around. All the doors were cracked open, and he was sure everyone was listening. "I would like to announce the first of the Organization's Annual Vacations," he said softly. The doors creaked open a bit more, just so the sound could filter in. Not enough to look like anyone was listening. "Our first jaunt into the unknown realm of people will be simple. Before I discuss this in detail, I would like you all to open your doors. I know you're interested."

Demyx reluctantly opened his door. "Reading thoughts," he whined. "No fair!"

Xemnas gave a short smile. "I don't play fair, number IX. Everyone? Open your doors. I know you don't want Number Nine to get the Member of the Month Award."

Vexen's door opened in a flurry, and the scientist hurried out, an enraged look on his face. "Give in to that pansy?!" he shouted. "That's improbable."

Demyx closed his eyes and smiled, crossing his arms in a smug manner. "Don't get a hot head."

Vexen ground his teeth. "Imbecile. If you didn't notice, I never overheat. My element is ICE. A hot head is practically impossible for me."

Demyx gave a juvenile grin. "Yeah, but it's not for Axel! He's the element of fire. I bet his head overheats all the time."

Axel's door opened and the man stuck his head out. "I object, water boy. That's—"

Xemnas waved his hand in an imperial manner. "Actually, Axel, _I_ object. Come out of your rooms, all of you."

Slight grumbling was heard on Larxene's part and Roxas only peeked out his door, so just his head was showing, but the rest of the members came easily enough. "Easily enough" meant, of course, that there were vines running rampant on the floors, attempting to trip people up, and fire was rapidly eating at the end of the vines. The Superior heaved a sigh. The cleaning Dusks would have a good job on their hands. At last, everyone was standing uncomfortably outside their doors. Even Roxas had stuck his head out of his room. Xemnas dusted his already impeccable coat off.

"Organization, numbers II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, and XIII, I would like to announce something." Xemnas paused to gasp for breath, thinking at the same time that he should simply shorten his salutations to 'Organization' next time. "I would like to announce that we are going on a trip." Demyx began humming some song about lemurs. Xemnas smiled calmly as Larxene pinned Demyx to the wall with sticky tack and told him to shut up. "I have learned from previous encounters that we are not as aware as we could be on the world around us, and I would like to be able to blend in with the crowd a bit better." Xigbar sniggered rudely and whispered to Xaldin. Xaldin nodded serenely and suddenly a lance flew out of no where and embedded itself in the wall right beside Xigbar's head. Xemnas coughed. "So, I've decided that we should go mingle with people at the airport."

Larxene raised her hand. "What's the point of going to the airport if we aren't going to go on a plane?"

"Besides learning about people, I figured we could use a plane for our travel convenience."

Luxord stuffed the cards he had been fingering into his pocket. "That would be a rather strange game, Superior. To blend in with people, you can't go and steal a plane. It's much more natural to try and bribe the guards."

A lance flew out and stuck itself in beside Luxord's head. Xemnas sighed deeply. "Not in the walls, III. And in answer to your question, number X, we will learn as we go along." He closed his eyes and tilted his head back for a brief cackle. Larxene rolled her eyes. "And now!" said Xemnas, snapping out of his reverie, "Get packing!"

There was mumbling of, "Yes, Superior," and everyone went back into their rooms. Except for Roxas. His head just snaked back in the room in a rather disconcerting way. For a couple minutes, Xemnas stood in the hallway thinking of plans and precautions. Then he decided that plans and precautions didn't matter and he could leave it up to Xaldin and Luxord, the strategists. In all events, he hopped on back to his room, which happened to be right behind him. Hey, if you manipulate corridors of darkness, anything can happen in a plot. As for the rest of the Organization…

Xigbar decided to make the trip as good as possible. Not only did he decide to pack his gun, but he purposely decided to wear nothing but boxers under his cloak.

Xaldin had doubts about the trip. However, to make the most use out of it, he had a talk with Namine, who gave him several blackmail photos that would get the Organization kicked out of the airport, if seen. Xaldin smiled briefly before packing them into his bag.

Vexen was still steaming from the hothead comment. He decided to waste his time pouring toxic chemicals together. After making several types of lethal weapons, he felt better, and subsequently decided to pack them.

Lexaeus decided to be smart and not pack his weapon, reasoning that it could be summoned at any time, besides the fact that unlike some other weapons, it was over the weight limit of baggage. Instead a ready supply of clothes went in his sack.

Zexion packed a digital camera. In the end, he relented and also put some chocolate in his sack. The Superior's chocolate allergy most likely had a say in this matter. A rather indirect influence, to be sure.

Next in line is Saix. As he wasn't pleased by the idea of a trip, he was letting off his 'rage' by killing little bunnies. I'm so sorry to all the bunny lovers out there. He would've gone on to killing more fluffy little animals, but Zexion activated the Castle's defense mechanism and Saix was suddenly bombarded by fangirls, which were mysteriously kept in the attic.

Axel packed hair gel. Lots and lots of hair gel. End of Axel commentary.

Demyx gave a lot of thought to his packing. It took him around a minute to decide that he should take his rubber ducky that played rock music if you squeezed it, instead of a couple seconds, as per normal.

Luxord packed his cards and an extra outfit. You can never tell when looking snazzy will come in handy. There was also a lot of paper packed. For writing down bets, of course.

Marluxia had looked up airports. There was certainly not enough foliage. So a few potted plants went in his bag, as did a manual for taking over the world. Just the thing to make things interesting. Awfully interesting.

Larxene gave little thought to regulations. Many sharp and stabby knives went into her sack. And when I say many, I mean over-the-top-flowing-out-of-the-sack many. Eventually, though, she decided that there was no way there were that many personnel to kill and took out around half, sticking her favorite books in the top of the sack.

Roxas, last, but not least, totally forgot about packing and left an empty bag sitting on his bed while he toyed around with the Oathkeeper keychain before going back to his video games where he beat up computer screens.

Half an hour later, all the Organization members were hanging around outside their rooms. Everyone except Xemnas. When a loud crash came from the end of the hall in which Xemnas's room was, Xaldin looked up concernedly. Bright cursing began to come from the room. Zexion looked up from sifting through the blackmail photos.

"Permission to go check the security cameras, number III?"

"Permission granted," Xaldin said, tightening his grip on a lance. "I think our Superior is going a bit over board."

"Yeah…" Xigbar giggled from the floor. "I bet even Larx doesn't know what those phrases mea—"

"I do too, you idiot!"

Xigbar snorted and bashed his half-full can of Mountain Dew on the floor, effectively bursting it. "Yeah, right, dudette." He dragged himself up by way of his door handle and groaned. "I shouldn't drink that stuff."

- - -

_Up in the Security Room…_

Zexion leaned over the cameras, watching silent pictures of Xemnas attempting to bash open his doors by ramming them ceaselessly. Luxord leaned over Zexion's shoulder. "Why can't he open his doors?"

Zexion sat down and began tapping a few keys at a console. "You know how paranoid our Superior is."

"Of course."

"He installed a fifteen digit access code to his room and it seems that he can't remember it."

"Are you just going to let him stay there, then?"

Zexion whirled the chair around, a smirk on his face. "No. Of course not. It's only a matter of time before he thinks of using the international cliché. That being jamming his aerial blades in the door to melt through. At that time, lawyers will come and at the very least get him out of the room before he dissolves them into nothingness. It's easier than figuring out the code."

"And how exactly will the lawyers get in the room, not to mention getting him out?"

Zexion turned back to the console. "Lawyers are mysterious beings."

Luxord sighed, remembering a day rather filled with loss. "So true."


	2. Five Minute Warnings

Xemnas dusted himself off of the lawyers' remains.

Everything had gone exactly as Zexion had predicted. Lawyers had come, been decimated, and Xemnas was free, with minimal hurt to his door. He picked up his bags beside him and looked around. "Is everyone ready?"

Xigbar laughed. "Suuuuuure, duuuuuude. We're all ready. Really… really really really… read—really ready.. read— …wow. That Dew packs a punch." He shivered, fully in the power of caffeine.

Xemnas blinked. "I see, Number II. Numbers III or IV, would you be willing to get II to the limo?"

Xaldin let go of the lance he was holding, watching it disappear in a whirl of wind before nodding. "Of course. And when did we get a limo?"

"Ten minutes ago," Zexion said, appearing out of his room. "I had Number X get us one."

"When did you get the power to order us around, Zexion?" Larxene complained. "I don't recall hearing about you being in a position of leadership."

Zexion turned around slowly. "Number XII. I don't recall I time I didn't hold power. And if I _recall_, I outrank you. Shut your mouth."

Larxene leaned back heavily against her doorframe, her face a mask of fury. Xemnas took a deep breath and walked down to the end of the hall and opened the door in a sudden flurry. In unison, all of the Organization members picked up their suitcases and fell into an unruly line, full of pushing and shoving, just like little school kids. Tightening his grip on his suitcase, Xemnas solemnly strode out the door, attempting to ignore the catfight that had broken out with Larxene and Marluxia. The walk was short. No, not because of corridors of darkness this time. The walk was short, because in an unanticipated turn of events, Xigbar, who was still under the influence of _the Dew,_ decided he was bored and began fiddling around with his half of the space-time continuum. In no time at all, they were halfway across the Castle That Never Was.

"Uh—"

_Zip._

"We're in a different—"

_Zip._

"Xigbar, stop it you—"

_Zip._

"If someone doesn't make him—"

_Zip. Whack-thud._

"…Duuuuuuude, what was that for? D:"

"I didn't know you could use smilies when you spoke."

"Talk about it."

Xemnas cleared his throat. "Flattening Number II's face with a giant card is appreciated, Number X, however, next time I suggest that you think about II's personal wellbeing."

Luxord gave a tight smile. "Oh, I did."

Xemnas groaned. "I was afraid of that." The Superior straightened and noted that they were on a previously undiscovered lawn right in front of a black limousine that simply screamed, "I'm evil, arrest me officer." The man paused to stare. And stare. And stare. And… At last, Xemnas decided to say something. "Who's going to drive?"

At once, Saix raised his hand and was voted down with a series of boos, each one louder than the last. While the Nobody was deciding whom to murder first, Roxas raised his hand. Xemnas took a deep breath. "Roxas, you don't have a license."

"Neither does Axel, but that never stopped him."

"Axel can burn off the face of anyone stupid enough to pull him over. What can you do, blind them and race off?"

Roxas glowered. Xemnas freaked at the thought of having to pay for the impending wrecked car. Xaldin decided to blow everyone away with the offer of driving the vehicle himself. Xemnas jotted down notes in his private journal to not let the author make jokes like that again.

In the end, Xaldin did end up driving the car. Everyone piled in, pushing, shoving, and occasionally screaming, just like school children. All of the Organization except for Xaldin, who had gained the ability to sit by himself, totally soundproofed from the rest of the world in the driver's seat. Xemnas almost cried when he realized what he could've had. Almost, because he realized that there was really space for two or three people up in the front and only one space would be occupied by the driver. The Superior got back out of the car and knocked on Xaldin's window. The man looked out, a rather unimpressed look on his face.

"So, can I sit up with you, Number III?" Xemnas gave big puppy eyes. He was trying to be chummy and failing miserably.

"No."

"Awwwwwwwwww Come on, please?"

"These seats are already taken, and even if they weren't, there is no way you should be up here."

Xemnas clenched his fists. "Hey, just because I got my driver's license revoked isn't a good rea—"

"See? These seats are taken." Xaldin looked over, an almost unidentifiable smile on his face. There sat Zexion and Luxord. Zexion was staring straight ahead, his eyes closed and his hands resting neatly on his lap, looking prim and proper and oh-so-_smug_. Luxord was laughing his head off. Xemnas gave a sharp intake of breath and walked stiffly back to his door. He opened it and was instantly pulled in, pinned down, and drenched with a cup of water.

Larxene leaned over the man. "The rite of initiation has begun!"

"What rite?" Xemnas sputtered. Marluxia sniggered as the limousine began to move. Xemnas whimpered. "WHAT RITE?!"

- - -

_In the front of the limo…_

Zexion glanced over his shoulder. "Looks like everyone's having fun back there."

Luxord sifted through the playing cards he had dug out of his pocket. "I suppose so, if you can call 'Tickling the Superior until he cries like a three-year-old' fun. Want to bet on how long he'll last?"

Zexion shook his head absentmindedly. "No. He's caving already."

Luxord tch'd and continued to shuffle. "Xaldin, why did you ask us to be up here?"

Xaldin nodded. "Right. This trip will flunk miserably. There's really no question about it. The Superior not only seems to have no idea of this, but there was also no thought put into the initial planning. If there's going to be trouble, it'll be up to us to keep it supervised. I think we should plan on what this mission will be about. Mingling with normal people is simply not an option for people who wander around in black coats looking suspicious."

Zexion had turned around and was now leaning on one of the two grey armrests that were flipped down. "That's… a good point. Xemnas said he was planning on stealing a plane, but I suppose that's unnecessary."

Luxord flipped over the top card of his deck and smiled. "No, not really. Most of our enemies will be totally distracted by the presence of a plane. For one, some of them may have never seen one, and for another, there would be no thoughts pertaining to the Organization, at least for the first few rounds, when people get accustomed to it. That means more successful raids."

"…You do raids, Luxord?"

"Don't you?"

Zexion sighed. "Sometimes, it's not about the gamble of the situation. Xigbar gets better heart averages than you, even when he's half drunk with that abominable drink, Mountain Dew."

Luxord sniffed. "I have ideals to keep up, you know. Besides, where do you think Xemnas gets the money to pay for all these adventures? He doesn't get it from thin air, and the way these bank vaults are guarded takes the fun out of wholesome bank robbery."

"Wholesome." Xaldin gave half snort, half snicker. When Luxord glared at him, he waved a hand in the air irreverently. "Ah, carry on."

Luxord opened his mouth to say something, but a muffled yell came from the back of the car. He turned around and raised his eyebrows. Zexion turned around as well and smiled briefly. Every single one of the male Nobodies in the back had a kunai through the place their heart should be, were piled on the floor, and were groaning in extreme pain. Larxene was in the back, sitting stiffly on the plush seat, a strained look on her face. Axel was on the top of the pile. As he raised up to say something, Larxene casually flicked another kunai into his chest and he gasped sinking onto the pile again. Zexion smiled slightly and turned around.

"Sometimes I wonder what girl is up to. Causing pain even to her fellow members."

Luxord shrugged. "It's not like a little knife to the heart will kill them. We're Nobodies, after all. Quicker healing properties and no hearts."

Xaldin looked up at the signs they were passing under. "We have about five minutes until we reach the parking lot. Would you mind telling the others over the intercom?"

Luxord grinned. "No problem."

- - -

_In the back of the limo…_

Axel pulled out the first of the two knives stuck in his chest. It came out with a popping noise. Axel looked up and glanced at Larxene. "Nobodies make stupid little popping noises when we pull out items that are stuck in us?"

"Apparently."

A couple more popping sounds came from around the car as Marluxia and Demyx pulled out their respective kunai and climbed weakly back up onto their seats. "That's really not funny, Larx." Demyx sniffled and began to sip a bottled water he had brought along. Marluxia looked very sad and stared at the water. He stared _very sadly_.

"Plants need water, too," the pink haired man whined.

Axel looked up from the second kunai he had just popped out. "Marluxia, you aren't a plant."

Marluxia glared at Axel and dug around in his pockets, producing a couple crushed flowers. "I didn't say I was a plant." A few pink sparks ran around the base of the plants as he caressed them lovingly. "Daddy's not going to let you die. And GIMME THAT WATER." The Nobody suddenly whirled around and snatched the water Demyx was drinking. He poured it wildly over the plant and it sprang happily to nonexista—life. Demyx's lower lip trembled dangerously. Then Luxord snapped on the intercom.

"Here's your five minute warning until the airport. Try not to look like stupid slobs."

The back of the limousine was silent for a couple seconds. Then Larxene clenched one fist and looked at the water spattered on her. She looked up at Marluxia, then her eyes narrowed. "You pig-headed loser."

Axel sighed. Five more minutes until freedom, right?


	3. War, Hide and Seek Style!

"I hate this place already," Larxene growled. "What are we actually planning to do?"

Xemnas stopped. "What do you mean, Number XII?"

"I mean, where are we going to go? We're at an airport. We had to _pack bags_. Why on earth did we have to pack bags?"

"That's none of your business," Xemnas snapped, shifting his pack a little bit closer to himself. "We look more normal this way."

Larxene looked down at her coat and back up at the Superior, then raised an eyebrow. "So, what are we, little girl scouts going to Hawaii? You're kidding me."

"I'm not so sure he is," Luxord said glumly. Xigbar hiccuped from the back of the group. Luxord looked back at the rest of the Organization. "Besides, I'd think we're more boy scouts with two manly women."

Xemnas, Marluxia, Larxene, Axel, Saix, Roxas, and Demyx stopped to glare uneasily at Luxord. Xigbar hiccuped again. After a moment, Larxene shrugged. "All we have to do is kick you guys, right? We can find out who's the girl in a jiffy." All the men backed up quickly—yes, that includes Marluxia—and Larxene gave a spiteful giggle. She turned to Zexion. "You aren't scared about being a girly?"

Now, at this point, Zexion might've yelled out that he was secure in his manhood, wasn't an emo, and withstood Mountain Dew quite well, unlike Xigbar, but even for Nobodies, avoiding automatic reaction is pretty hard. His body collapsed under him in a swift duck. The expected punch didn't come. Larxene began to laugh something about how she'd have a great time here. Zexion stared down at the floor and clenched his fist. He had five seconds before chickening out in front of Larxene would be melted into his record. He gritted his teeth, put his hands around her ankles, pulled, tripped, and began to run for his life.

Larxene was stunned for a moment. Even before getting up, she knew that not only her ego would be bruised. The Nobody rubbed her behind and reached for where her kunai would normally be. Her hands grasped air. She said unpleasant things about metal detectors and watched Zexion stumble as he slammed into the Men's Room door.

However, the door wouldn't open.

A guard walked over slowly to Zexion, looked him up and down, raised an eyebrow, and said in an uncompromising tone, "Sorry, sonny. The men's room is getting cleaned. You'll have to go to the other one."

Zexion turned to face the man. Larxene was getting closer, working her sleeves up past her elbows as she walked. "Where's the other bathroom?" he gasped.

The guard closed his eyes and took a long, long breath. "Up the elevator, past the concessions stands, into the 'Employees Only' area, a hundred feet past the water dispenser, on your right. You'll have to ask for permission to get into the Employee's area."

"Smack down," Larxene said darkly. Zexion gave a squeal of terror and almost went in his pants. The guard shook his head sadly and muttered about how some kooks just couldn't wait.

Xaldin stepped in front of Larxene before the desired pain had taken place. "Not in front of people, Larxene. You may be violent, but if those tendencies get in the way, we're going to have to do something about it."

Larxene looked up at Xaldin, then looked down at Zexion who had managed to scrape his composure from somewhere off the floor. He was sitting cross-legged, panting and leaning against the closed bathroom door. Secretly Larxene wished the cleaning men would finish cleaning, open up, and have Zexion fall flat on his back. She gave an involuntary snigger, before realizing that Xaldin was still in front of her, shielding Zexion stolidly. She peeked past him to see Zexion still panting. Then an idea sparked in the deepest recess of her mind.

"Zexion, I have a proposition for you."

Zexion drew his knees up to his chin and folded his hands over them. "What is it and why do I need it?"

"You need it because otherwise you will have no chance of living pleasantly for the next five years, and that's _if_ you have twenty-four hour surveillance and FBI services. If you accept and fail, the same will happen. If you win, I'd simply let you off with five punches whenever and wherever I choose to redeem them."

"I'm listening."

"It's a game of hide-and-seek warfare."

Xaldin didn't make any motion to denote that this was unusual, Larxene noted with some distaste, but Zexion's reply was certainly worth it.

"_What_?! I would expect as much of you, but in an airport? Warfare. Hide-and-seek warfare. Absurd."

"Let me explain a few of the rules," Larxene said calmly. "Civilians can be used as shields. We have been deprived of all normal weapons, so anything goes. Anything. Winning is simple. The first person to give up or be incapacitated loses."

Zexion sat hunched over for a minute or so, looking up occasionally at Larxene. "Fine, if I can try and scrape together some help."

Larxene cracked her knuckles. "Of course. This is hide-and-seek in the largest sense. You get all the help you need. I'll get some of my own."

Zexion stood up, his panting long over. "Fine. It's settled. How long do I have to prepare?"

Larxene grinned, canines prominent. "How does thirty minutes sound?"

"Good enough."

"Then I'll be off." Larxene took off at a run down the hall. The guard that had talked to Zexion looked up from his newspaper for a moment before frowning and returning to it.

Zexion looked off in the direction Larxene had disappeared in absolute horror. "I've just sold my life," he murmured numbly. "This is—"

"Great!" Luxord finished, dashing over to his friend. "This'll be a day to remember. Cheer up, what's the worst that can happen?"

In a moment, Zexion recovered. "The _worst_? My life could be miserable!"

Luxord blinked. "Ah, right. Well, _whoopsie_ on my part. Let's get going, we only have twenty-eight minutes by my watch."

"You have a watch?"

"Of course I have a watch. I manipulate time. It's my internal clock."

"But that's—"

"Irrelevant. Quit that moping or you'll lose in an instant." Luxord spun his friend around forcibly and marched him over to the rest of the Organization. "We have twenty-seven minutes until destruction. We need a plan."

Xemnas was still staring at a map of the airport, Xigbar was drooling over Lexaeus's shoulder and Vexen was sifting through notes. Demyx and Marluxia were talking about where to find a reliable source of water. Saix was creepily nowhere to be seen and Roxas and Axel were playing video games. No surprise there. Not one of the remaining Organization members looked up. Zexion bit his lip and looked back at Xaldin, who had followed behind Luxord. "They're like sheep."

Axel looked up. "What?"

"No brains at all."

Vexen's head came up sharply.

"Always follow a leader, just as stupid as they are."

Marluxia's head turned. Xemnas was unperturbed.

"And goodness knows they eat us out of house and home."

Demyx and Roxas looked at each other with creepily reinvigorated looks.

Luxord grinned. "Thank goodness we're above sheep, then. However, I hope I have most of your attentions now?" Everyone except Xemnas and Xigbar gave piercing looks at Zexion and Luxord. "Good. Zexion here will most likely die if we don't do anything, and if he dies, we could be next. You all know that Larxene picks her subject and won't go on until they're sufficiently broken."

Vexen rubbed his forehead in the classical style of great thinkers. "Xigbar's an example of that."

Luxord nodded and smiled. "Life's a gamble, so to win this one, we have to protect the king."

Xemnas glanced up from his map as if he expected some sort of cheering.

Luxord sighed. "That was figurative, Superior, referring to chess. You lose if you're put in checkmate. You do know about chess, don't you?"

Xemnas raised an eyebrow and went back to his maps.

Axel crossed his arms. "You insult us to get our attention. You say we have to protect Zexion if we care about our lives. What's the point in this?"

Luxord looked up at the ceiling for a moment. "There's a great probability of mass destruction of valuable objects."

Axel brightened. Marluxia held up a "Save the Potted Plants" sign he had just finished scribbling. Lexaeus heaved a sigh of resignation. Luxord considered this all carefully.

"We need a base. We can place Xigbar there to continue in his comatose state, and we set the potted plants wherever this base is, Marluxia. Don't act like a spoiled child."

Marluxia pretended he had dignity and hadn't been about to throw a fit about the potted plants.

Before Luxord could start talking again, Zexion stepped forward. "According to my non-internal clock, we have fifteen minutes left—"

"Seventeen," Luxord interjected.

"Fine. The point is, we don't have long. If you want to be in this, we need to vote on a base, or how to find one."

"Bathroom," Xigbar slurred from Lexaeus's shoulder. Lexaeus shifted the man off his shoulder, looking slightly disturbed.

"The personnel office, good idea, Xigbar," Zexion said, half distracted by Luxord tapping his watchless wrist. The meaning was still obvious. "No other ideas? Good. Let's get our behinds out of here. We have ten minutes to Nobody-proof that room as well as possible."

Xaldin grabbed Xemnas's arm as the group ran off. Over in the corner, the security officer tried to decide if running in the halls was a serious enough offence to take action against. Then, no, he decided. It wasn't all that bad. It's not like they could cause any trouble; they're adults.


	4. Cheesy Battle Sequences

Larxene frowned. From her position crouched on the bare rafters in the high lobby, Zexion was making better progress than she had thought he might. Seeing Luxord pushing him along, she gritted her teeth. Without such encouragement, there had been a chance that Zexion would've stayed quivering on the floor, a nervous wreck. _Ah, well, all the more fun,_ the woman thought to herself. _All the more fun._

Larxene let herself down from her crouching position and let her legs swing freely, then began to think. She would need a point to return to. A safe and unfrequented place. She looked around herself and nodded. These lobby rafters would do. It was dark up so high and considering that dark portals were rather hard to summon in this place, not many of the Nobodies would be able to get up here. Xigbar was already intoxicated and incoherent. Marluxia was concerned with his potted plants, not with making vine ladders. The only person Larxene was really worried about was Luxord. He had a level head underneath all his bravado and time was everything in this game. Time was everything.

From behind the Nobody came a voice, calm and commanding. "When should we start?"

Larxene smiled. "As soon as we've collected the proper supplies."

- - -

The office door was in sight. You know the kind. The doors that have the little signs on them saying that only personnel are allowed in and you're sure have print the size of a grain of dust below that saying that you'll be struck my lightning if you enter. It was one of those sorts of doors. It was a dark, heavy metal, with a rather complex lock and a box on the side which possibly needed a thirty-letter entry code. Luck, however, was with the Nobodies.

"Fancy that," Zexion sighed, "It's unlocked."

"Yes," Luxord said dryly. "Isn't that strange. Aren't you in the least bit worried?"

Zexion turned to glare at Luxord. "I don't have time to be worried about an unlocked door. What I do have to worry about is that Demyx needs to go to the bathroom, the potted plants in the building that Marluxia wants in this office in the next five minutes, Xigbar, who is STILL out of it, and Roxas and Axel who are hungry and want Cheez-its. So if this door is booby trapped, well, so help me, you better take us back in time or I will find you and hunt you down."

"Unless you're dead."

"I don't care if I'm dead or not. I will hunt you down."

"Yeah, you just go ahead and say that."

"Guys, I _neeeeeeeeeed_ to go potty."

Zexion sighed and opened the door. "I told you, Luxord. It's empty."

In fact, not a peep emanated from the office. There was no one. Roxas cringed. "It's the perfect set up for a sniper to come out of nowhere and kill us all. We're doomed."

There was a pause.

Lexaeus sighed. "It's rather impossible to be murdered by a sniper if you currently have him flopped over you shoulder," he said in a strained sort of way.

Roxas gave Lexaeus a glare. "You ruined the bravado. ...why did you ruin the bravado?"

Lexaeus glanced over his shoulder back at Roxas. "I feel that I have a right to complain that I have drool soaking through my cloak because I have to carry my inebriated associate. I was simply stating the facts."

"But that's BORING."

Zexion walked into the office and looked around. Nothing sprang snarling on him. He raised his eyebrows. "Luxord, this office is just deserted. Maybe it's the lunch break."

Luxord crossed his arms. "It's 3:30."

"…what if their lunch breaks are really weird?"

"Who has lunch breaks this late?"

"Maybe the _people at this airport,_" Zexion growled.

"…what if they're all dead?"

"Shut up, Roxas."

Roxas dug his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, well, I bet I'm right…"

Axel laughed. "Who cares what happened to them? Let's just get set up. I want those Cheez-Its."

Luxord rubbed his forehead. "Fine. Go on in. I'll just… secure the perimeters."

"You do that," Marluxia muttered as he waltzed by with a random potted plant.

Inside, the office was pretty much chaos. Though the desks were in nice, even rows, that was the end of any semblance of order. The rolling chairs were scattered around the room. The majority was clustered around a big screen TV, still displaying a muted soap opera. A few chairs were perched on top of the desks and the rest were heaped in a corner, gathering dust. For the most part, the papers managed to stay on the desks. However, for a few of the desks, it was all one could do to assume there was a desktop underneath the clutter.

Vexen gasped in horror. Axel and Roxas gasped in horror as well. Their gasp was for a different reason. "The vending machine is empty!"

Roxas ran over to the machine, which was at the far end of the room, stumbling and slipping over empty pop bottles and papers in his haste to hug it. Tears streamed busily down his face as he put on a display. "My precious A4! Cheeeeeeeeez-Its! Come back to me!" Axel ran over to the machine, hugged it from the opposite side and proceeded to give about the same speech.

"They're like twins," Xaldin murmured.

"In interest apart and personality together," Zexion agreed.

Vexen had wandered over to one of the paper-covered desks and was busy snooping. He frowned and put a pile back, just to make another pile to look through. "These documents are rather strange. They seem to be fanfiction of some sort."

Xaldin walked over to Vexen and took the bundle of papers. "I knew these people where strange when I saw the television, but fanfiction…" The man flipped through the stack a moment then turned back to Vexen. "Look at this."

Vexen glanced at the paper. "It's about an organization. And what's this about ice cream?"

Xaldin poked the paper with a thick finger. "Organization XIII. It's about us. There're other things in there, too, but this one caught my eye. Half of us seem to be eating sea-salt ice cream and the other half seem to be making out with each other."

Vexen sighed. "That's a bit more than pointless. Besides, ice cream and making out don't go with each other."

"Exactly what I was thinking."

"Do you suppose people do this for sick pleasure? Making us less than manly?"

Xaldin put his hands behind his back. "It is in my opinion that all fanfiction is ill material that tries to make up the writers individual wants and desires."

Demyx perked up as he came out of the bathroom. "Oh, oh, like those chat room things! Those are a riot! And the ones that have love polygons!"

Vexen looked at the papers in his hand. Then he looked up at Xaldin. "…Is there a paper shredder in here?"

Xaldin pointed wordlessly to the near corner, then turned his attention to the other side of the room, which was slowly filling up with plants. He watched disturbedly as Marluxia hefted in another potted plant that looked more like a tree due to overgrowth. Near the TV, Axel, Roxas, and Demyx were arguing over which channel to watch. Xemnas was still frowning over his maps. Zexion, however, was nowhere to be seen. Xaldin clenched his fist and hoped that VI hadn't done anything stupid.

- - -

Zexion and Luxord were out on their own again.

"Just pick up the rest of the bags and we'll be fine," Luxord said peevishly.

Zexion gestured to the six bags in front of him. "I can't carry all of these. I'm not a baggage boy. Do you expect me to be able to carry them all?"

Luxord hefted the five bulky bags he had balanced precariously on him. "Please, Zexion. Look again. They won't be that heavy."

"And if we're attacked?"

"There's less of a chance of that if we get going now. And for all I care, we can throw bags at assailants."

"You're kidding me."

"No, I'm not. I have kunai in this sack on my arm and I'm not afraid to use them."

Zexion crossed his arms. You know, that way he does in that snazzy picture of him. With that sour little pouting expression on his face. It's adorable, folks. Luxord, however, would not be swayed to carry any more than he already was carrying. "Pick the sacks up, you weakling. We don't have all day."

Zexion looked down at the sacks. Then he looked up at Luxord. "I expect extra for this."

"Your extra will be Larxene for the next few years if you don't hurry up."

"You blackmailer," Zexion growled as he picked up a bag.

Luxord winked. "Nah, that's Xaldin. And he got the photos from Namine. If you don't watch it, he'll strip you of your title."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm watching my back," Zexion muttered.

"Not closely enough," Luxord observed as an apparently steaming hotdog flew in a perfect arc towards Zexion's back.

The hotdog hit full on, throwing the light Cloaked Schemer forward a couple paces. Luxord whistled and clapped a bit. Zexion looked up, panic lighting his face. "We have to run for it."

Luxord was already off at a surprisingly quick pace. "I live for the thrill of the chase!" he yelled back.

Zexion looked at the bags and grabbed up the remaining three before running, hotdogs littering his path, nipping at his heels.

- - -

Larxene sat back down from her position on the rafters and licked her fingers. "It always interests me, to try out new weapons."

The figure behind her nodded. "Of course. Though, do you not prefer to stick to what you know?"

Larxene shrugged. "Of course, but I do try to do my best at improvisation. It's the spice of life."

"I suppose so. However, one finds that they will return to the staple foods even after spices grow dim."

"Of course." Larxene sighed. "And, as promised, it's your turn next time. We'll see if your ideas work any better." The derision in the woman's voice made the figure's head come up a few more degrees in the fashion kept by those used to anger.

"Don't worry."

- - -

Xaldin breathed a sigh of relief as Zexion and Luxord came in the doors of the office. "I'm glad you're back. I see you were doing something useful, too. There are surprises every day."

Luxord gave a thumbs up. "Of course! Now, all we have to do is figure out which bag belongs to which Nobody. Not that I'm not, you know, _grateful_ for all the identical bags our Superior has given us. Without tags, even. It's just so thoughtful."

Xemnas looked up for a moment, a frown on his face, then returned to his maps, because he had come to the conclusion that this part in a plot is boring and a hero like himself was not needed.

In the meanwhile, the bags were being rooted through. In the random bag that Demyx grabbed, he found exactly what he did not want to find. "These pictures are—you've gotta' be kidding me! Roxas was the one who destroyed my sitar that one time? And what's this about Luxord dressing up as a ninja?" Xaldin grabbed the pictures out of Demyx's hands with one fist and the bag with another. Luxord gave Xaldin a piercing glare.

"Yours?" The Gambler nodded towards the bag Xaldin held clenched tight.

"Yes. Shut up."

"I am putting a _price_ on your _head_."


	5. The Plot Progression Chapter

"She is so playing with our minds." Zexion twiddled his thumbs. "It's been an hour."

"She's going to wait until we're dying of hunger in this miserable little close-quarter room," Roxas said in a low voice. "Then she'll charge in, knives flashing, and gut us all."

"Larxene knows what she's doing," Xaldin sighed. "She's not going to charge the doors."

Roxas muttered something about air ducts and superheated steam.

"Well, eventually we're gonna' have to go out, because I don't think Larxene's coming in," Luxord said, shuffling his cards for another round of Go Fish with Axel and Demyx.

"I'll go get food," Roxas said dejectedly as he stood up.

Axel glanced up. "You're just going to get yourself hurt."

Roxas put his hands on his hips. "I still want Cheez-Its. We're all waiting in here to DIE and we're in the room with the prime candidate for pain."

"Boredom will be the death of you, Roxas," Axel laughed. "I'll come with you." The man stood up and stretched. "We can talk."

"Be my guest," Roxas said with a shrug. The boy grabbed a rolling chair from a nearby desk and lugged it over to the door. Axel raised his eyebrows and followed his friend out the door.

The hallway was barren. Axel looked up at the darkened rafters and bit his lip. The man jerked back to the present as Roxas plopped down in the rolling chair. "What are you going to do with that?"

Roxas pushed at the floor with a foot and went rolling down the hallway faster than he might normally walk. At intervals, he would shove his foot against the ground again, to keep speed.

"Oh." Axel sprinted down the hall after his friend. "Wait, wait up!"

- - -

Xemnas put down his map with a solid _floop_. "I'm leaving," he declared.

Xaldin looked up from the newspaper he was reading. "Superior, where to?"

"I had an original plan to follow, Xaldin. I am leaving to fulfill those plans."

"That plan was…?"

Xemnas's face was cold. "None of your business, III."

Xaldin whipped in a breath. Back to numbers. "Of course. Forgive me."

Xemnas nodded and stepped out the door. Luxord looked up blandly. "Everyone seems to be clearing out in a different direction."

"It would seem that way," Xaldin agreed. "Of course, that might not be a bad idea, if we could put a few decoys out there. Then again, no one is quite as short as Zexion, except for Roxas, but even he's passing him up."

Zexion crossed his arms angrily. "Shaddup."

"It's true," Luxord grinned. "However, there's a point. Holed up in here is just as dangerous as being outside, really. We should spread out. Where would Larxene never look?"

Xaldin thought for a moment, his head bowed. "As this is an airport, there is one place she would never look. The planes."

"You have got to be kidding me," Zexion said. "You have _got_ to be kidding me. That's too obvious."

"The only weakness Larxene has is that she's too overconfident. That and water," Luxord frowned. "If you got on a plane and flew out of here, she wouldn't know the difference, considering that I think some life is left in this place."

"…go on."

"Head back to the World that Never Was. You could stay there and we could win the game for you."

Zexion winced. "You think I'm useless don't you?"

"You are," Vexen snickered from the paper-piled desk he was sitting at.

"I'm not. Anyway, Larxene might classify that as cheating."

Luxord tsk-tsked. "Her fault. We can rig the game that way as well as she. Besides, I want to see if the gamble of getting you on a plane and off a couple miles would work. Let's go."

"But that was a lame conversation that seemed to only take up time, like you had this planned from the star—" Zexion cut himself off as Luxord dragged him merrily from his chair and out the door. Xaldin paused to take a head count. Six left, himself included. Might as well leave for a while.

"Look," the man said as he stood up, "Who would be willing to hold fort if we left?"

Without turning around, Vexen raised one hand briefly. Demyx blinked. "That was quick," he mumbled.

"Right. Lexaeus, Demyx, Marluxia. Come with me. If you have any errands to do, this is the time to do it. While so many people out, we have a better chance of survival. Single file by the door."

Vexen allowed himself a small grin as Marluxia filed past, a sour expression on his face. "Good luck playing follow the leader, Marluxia."

Marluxia's brow furrowed and a tight expression came over his face, but he kept on walking. Insults could be saved for later.

Vexen gave a smirk and began reading a new page of the departure lists.

- - -

They were almost at the snack machines. Roxas about cried when he saw the cloaked person in front of them. "Okay, who betrayed us this time, because I'm hungry and according to your chest, you aren't Larxene."

A shriek came from the rafters and a few hotdogs made craters where Roxas had been a moment before. Axel whistled.

The figure sighed. "I see you haven't noticed my absence."

"What I notice," Roxas muttered sourly, "is the lack of path to the snack machines."

"Well." The hood was drawn back. "Larxene pays better than you PETA freaks."

"You bunny killer," Axel said accusingly.

"That's right," Saix laughed, at last able to see the light of text again. "I'm proud about it, too. But to get to the snacks you'll have to go past ME."

Roxas and Axel sighed deeply. "Where have we heard this line before?" Roxas muttered blandly.

Saix gave a cough. Axel turned to face the Nobody. "Don't worry," he cooed, "we haven't forgotten about you."

"Not that fast, at least," Roxas grinned.

Saix gritted his teeth. "You jerks. You're supposed to rush me and let me maul you now."

"No, you have that backwards." Roxas tut-tutted. "_You're_ suppose to rush _us_."

"I'm certain that YOU'RE supposed to rush ME!" Saix's tone was raising in frustration.

Axel shrugged. "You guys figure this out, I'm getting food." The man began to casually walk past the Luna Diviner, before he was stopped with a long arm.

"Back off and RUSH me."

Axel glanced over at Saix. Then he looked up to the rafters. Then he sighed. "Whatever." The man cracked his knuckles. Saix looked over, a peeved expression on his face. The peeved look turned to a look of surprise and pain (because even non-beings should be able to feel pain), as Axel bit him full on the hand.

"Let go you little maniac!"

Axel signed something with his hands and Roxas translated. "Let him at the food and he'll let go."

Saix took a deep breath and clenched his teeth. "You melodramatic nincompoops," he growled, pulling back his free fist.

Axel glanced over at Roxas and the boy smiled. As the punch came down, Axel grabbed and clutched at Saix's free hand, secretly glad that as Nobodies were nothing, they could grow back teeth, even though in action games, teeth seem to be forgotten in the fighting. Roxas estimated what cool moves he could do in the space provided, but decided against it and just ran through the gap to the vending machine. Another high-pitched shriek was heard from the rafters, a patter of feet, and then Larxene was down, crouching on the floor.

"I told you that you wouldn't be able to do it," she sneered at her counterpart.

Saix glanced down at Axel. "The authoress has a bias," he muttered.

"That's no excuse," Larxene sighed. "Her friends love you."

"That's supposed to comfort me _how_?" The man wrenched the bitten hand out of Axel's mouth and examined it, while Axel backed off before his back could be broken. Roxas rushed by with snacks.

"And you lost our advantage over the snacks. Brilliant, Saix." Larxene looked up at the ceiling and rolled her eyes. "I'll have to let Bertha do your work from now on."

Saix held up his bleeding wrist. "And this?"

"Go lick your wounds."

"If I could've hurt them more—"

Larxene glared at the Nobody, then yelled up at the ceiling, "BERTHA!"

Saix looked down at his hand, then back up at Larxene. "But… but… what if I said I loved you?"

"You don't," Larxene snapped back. "Sometimes I feel that even I have a fragment of a heart, but you have none."

Saix looked back down at his hand. "Of course I don't love you. I was talking to Bertha."

"Shut up, you psychopath." A deep voice came from up above. "One who knows nothing can understand nothing."

"Berthaaa-aaaaaa," Larxene sang, "What did I tell you about quoting stupid liii-iiinessss?"

A crash rocked the whole facility as a by no means underweight woman fell to the floor from the rafters. Her red dress seemed brighter than the sun, and the red plastic purse was even brighter. "Does that really matter now?"

"No, I suppose not," Larxene smiled.

- - -

In a far corner, Saix howled desolately about all the suspense racked up for him for a bitten wrist and defamation by an overweight woman named Bertha. The authoress comforted him awkwardly by telling him that if he liked, he could fly a little plane past windows and quite possibly have a cameo in every chapter after this. Saix looked up, sniffling, and asked if he could destroy bunnies. The authoress nodded and said he could destroy all the bunnies he wanted. Saix sighed happily and attempted to stop the bleeding.

- - -

Vexen twitched lightly at the crash that rocked the facility. "Don't repeat what you said a few sentences ago," he said, breaking the fourth wall. "It's rather boring."

Xigbar was sitting up by now. "Axel and Roxas coming in fast," he murmured.

"Good man," Vexen said, still half absorbed in his papers.

"They're banging on the doors."

"Mmm."

"You locked… them out. Do you think you could let them… in?"

"You know it's Axel and Roxas how?"

"I control… space. I can sorta' see where… ever I want to."

Vexen looked over at the door and gave a deep sigh. "I suppose Roxas is worth letting in, him being the Superior's little kid."

"Yes," Xigbar stressed, as he sat up slowly.

Vexen opened the door to find Axel and Roxas gasping on the floor. "All fired up aren't we? Had to be light on your toes?"

"Icy as always," Axel laughed breathlessly.


	6. Inner Personality

Zexion stumbled forward awkwardly as Luxord propelled him forward. "Can't you slow down?"

Luxord shook his head. "It's your fault, with those short little legs of yours."

Zexion crossed his arms tersely. "I'm not short! I'm sure I have a growth spurt coming… some time."

"And we all know what Vexen would say to that," Luxord sang.

"You're a Nobody; you are nothing. Nothing cannot multiply, meaning that you have an appearance of a body, but no cells, thus you cannot grow," Zexion replied with a growl. "I know what he'd say, Luxord. I practically live with him in the laboratory. I still have serious doubts against his theory, though."

"Do tell," Luxord said smoothly, walking a little faster so he was almost going at a run.

"If we are truly nothing, then our Somebodies cannot be lacking anything once we leave. In other words, they will be lacking nothing."

Luxord stiffened. "I see." The man glared down the hall. "Well… let's head that way."

Zexion squinted. "But that's the janitor's closet."

Luxord snapped his fingers. "_That_ is the janitor's closet," he said, pointing, "and _that_ is the exit door."

Zexion let his eyes drift to the second place Luxord was pointing. "Well, yes, but don't those have alarms?"

Luxord laughed. "Of course they do. Do you take me for a fool? I know my way around these things." The man tiptoed down the hall and began to fiddle with cords of undetermined dimensions, which came from undetermined places. A few moments later, the alarm began to toll loudly. Zexion sighed deeply and Luxord shook his head in dissent. "It would figure that this experiment wouldn't work. The odds were against us from the start."

"Then why'd you do the mucked up thing, anyway?" Zexion shouted as Luxord commenced to ram through the door.

Luxord grabbed Zexion's arm and yanked him through the opening. "Because it's fun!" His face was lit up in genuine excitement.

The outdoors was bright compared to indoors and Zexion had about had enough. The two Nobodies rushed under planes like it was what they did every day. As was per normal in this story, everything was doing nothing except for our main characters. Being the smart people that they are (or were, as Nobodies, I always wonder), they wondered why all the planes were sitting still like no one was in them. Then Luxord struck upon an idea.

"Maybe we're in a time paradox! Maybe this is an alternate reality! Maybe it's just a dream!"

"I wish," Zexion muttered tersely.

More running happened. Zexion felt that his lungs were burning and said so. Luxord grinned and reminded him that they didn't have lungs. Zexion smacked Luxord upside the head and demanded they take a rest. They did.

- - -

Xemnas was having a terrible time commandeering a plane. In the first place, while powers of darkness are awfully useful if you're in charge of an evil organization, they aren't very good for intimidating stewardesses. They seem to be prepared for all sorts of things these days, anyhow.

In fact, the moment Xemnas got on the plane of his choice (I don't know much about planes, so I won't elaborate) they began to berate him. 'Hairgell is flammable you know—are you sure that you don't have an infectious disease?—that white hair must be a sign of age, I bet you have cancer of the liver by now—' and so on. In fact, after all this, I won't be able to put a disclaimer saying that no one was hurt in the making of this. I'm afraid a few people were. Besides Saix. No one cares about him being bitten. Anyhow.

After a few people were thrown out the door (not just stewardesses- a man with potato chips was thrown out too, because Xemnas had a hankering), Xemnas at last made his way up to the cockpit. There he proceeded to be amazed at all the buttons.

—Of course, he really had no time to gawk. One of the pilots turned around and gave him the "you weirdo/dummy/guy in the weird black cloak" look and asked, "Who are you, why are you here, and why did you throw out my fiancé out of the door?"

Xemnas gave an imperious cough. "I'm Xemnas, I'm here to take over your plane and what about fiancé?" The haughty sound in his voice turned to one of those really puzzled voices that make you think about the person using it: But it's RIGHT in front of your FACE. -o

The co-pilot looked from Xemnas to the main pilot. From the smirk on Xemnas's face to the look of disbelief on the pilot's face and back again. Then he translated. "He's a jerk trying to take away what you've killed people to obtain and now he just threw your fiancé out of the door and isn't currently expecting retribution. I suggest you punch his lights out."

The pilot cracked his knuckles and decided to thank the co-pilot later for reinforcing what he had wanted to do all along. Then all his years as a professional boxer came to fruition.

- - -

"I hate you."

"I hate you more."

"You ruined my life."

"You ruined my life… more?"

Lexaeus plodded along and wrote in a journal he had nabbed from a vendor.

Lexaeus's Journal Entry #1 

_Demyx and Marluxia are some of the most utterly stupid little fatheads that have existed in this nonexistent century. Yes, I know that's a contradiction. Don't correct me._

_They must like to argue. Argue about pointless things no less._

_Well, actually, most things that we argue about are pointless. My mistake._

_On a totally different subject, airports are some of the most confusing things I've ever seen. I think we're walking in circles. We're doomed. All we need to make this a horror story is an overgrown man-eating plant. Sadly, those are easily obtained._

_In fact, just you wait. We're all doomed. Except this is so lame that it could only be a mini-plot in a larger horror story._

_Ah, well._

- - -

"Good to see you sitting up," Axel said to Xigbar when he was thoroughly rested and slumped on a cream-of-the-crop couch. "You guys haven't really done anything, though."

Vexen's head whipped up at an almost impossible speed. "I disagree. I've found out why this place is so empty."

_Come to think of it, _Roxas thought in the lagtime of that thought world, _I can't remember when and where everything in this story has taken place. Nor if Vexen should know about much of what he's talking about. …………then again, do I care? I'm supposed to be emo. Being 'emo' is such a gold mine these days._

"Oh, yeah?" Axel laughed. "Why?"

"Why, because everyone's on vacation! It's the most important national holiday in the whole year!" Vexen exclaimed.

Axel raised an eyebrow. "O RLY?"

"YA RLY," Xigbar giggled.

"no wai," Roxas muttered rebelliously.

Vexen cleared this throat. "Yes, of course. It's What's The Point of Working In a Story? day."

"Uh-huh."

"No, really. In fact, people celebrate it in most stories. Because MOST people in stories are cavorting about at the most improbable times often with terrible reasons for it. Sora's a prime example. What about his schooling? He'll grow up to be a stupid, stupid boy."

Xigbar laughed audibly then quieted down as he fumbled in his pocket for loose change.

Roxas's eyes flicked up to Xigbar. "Wait, waaaaaaait a second. What are you doing?"

Xigbar was silent for a while. "Uh. Well. Mmmm… what was that?"

"You better not being getting another Mountain Dew."

"……….what?"

"You better get me one too, if you're getting one," Roxas said with a glare. "You still owe me a favor."

Xigbar rolled his eyes skyward. And Axel grinned. "You mean the April Fools one? With the toilet and Larxene?"

"Yep," Roxas said smugly. "That one."

Vexen's shoulders hunched up and he stared hard at his papers. Axel went on.

"I heard she stuck you in a cell until you confessed."

"Yep," Roxas said a little less smugly. "That's true."

"And didn't you end up in a doggie house for the next month chained to a stake in the ground?"

"I notice you didn't help me, either," Roxas snapped back.

Xigbar bit his lip and Vexen turned around. "Why hadn't I heard about this? If there's things going on, I intend to hear about them."

"You were obsessing over murder mysteries," Axel sighed. "Remember the month you didn't get paid?"

"Xemnas is so stingy," Vexen complained. "I wasn't aware that I didn't have PTO."

Roxas crossed his arms. "Back to the _original_ subject, Xiggy. I think you owe me one. Actually, I think you owe me thirty-two, one for every day in the dog house, PLUS the cell."

Xigbar stared down at the money that lay in the palm of his hand, then he looked back up at Roxas. "Come to think of it, it's not worth it."

Vexen sighed. "Xigbar, I have a question. Do you ONLY say 'As if' and have that weird surfer accent when you drink Mountain Dew?"

"Hmm." Xigbar grinned. "I guess I do. I'm just… letting go my inner personality."

"Oh, help us all," Axel muttered.

- - -

Xaldin sat down on a bench in despair. The moment he had started out the door of the office, Demyx and Marluxia had been bickering. By the time they had reached the main lobby (having passed through several plane-landing junctions) they were scrabbling on the floor hissing and clawing for a bottle of water. In fact, Xaldin was sorely tempted to pick it up and drink it, but he refrained. Something in him just didn't want to be involved in petty fights. Or, perhaps, part of him didn't want to be involved in a fight with the man who could possibly create the man-eating plants of a mediocre horror story.

Lexaeus's Journal 

_Entry #2_

_I suppose life evens out in the end. We found an abandoned pretzel vendor's booth and raided it. Well, Xaldin and I did. Demyx and Marluxia were too busy over that stupid single bottle of water. I suppose it never occurred to them that bottles of water aren't exactly black market items currently._

_Well, I don't really want to tell them. That might take away from my share in the pretzels._

I wonder where Larxene is. She's a very odd woman. She'll be exactly where we want her least. Under the table of doom, slowly making us roast in the anticipation of what will happen next.

_I've told everyone (i.e. Xaldin) what I think. No luck._

_I guess I'll just have to help in the ways I can, right?_

- - -

Xemnas woke up stuffed in the cargo area of an airplane with an aching jaw and back. "My back hurts," he said to no one in particular. Then the no one in particular's breathing began to be a bit harder. Xemnas whimpered.


	7. Sneaky Time Powers

The breathing steadily began to get worse and worse. Xemnas's eyes skimmed the dark. Nothing. Well, DUH. It was so dark in here—just for once, what he wouldn't give to be Roxas. That poor messed up kid. Even if Xemnas always had had suspicions that Roxas wasn't as emo as he made out to be. Well. He could think about that later. Currently he had to make sad, unhappy, pitiful noises. There was mysterious breathing _right next to him._

Xemnas had memorized the Book for Evil Villains 4th Ed. In it, he recalled, was a section on mysterious personages. The book had said to address the mysterious beings as Bob and go from there, as most likely being called Bob would catch the mysterious being off guard—even if the thing happened to be NAMED Bob. Xemnas decided to follow this recommendation.

"Um.. hello… Bob?"

"Column B, Section 8, Chapter Five, Book for Evil Villains 4th Ed. Hello, Number I."

Xemnas about jumped out of his skin right then and there. Sadly, the boxes pinning him in prevented this from happening. "Zexion—what in the world are you doing here?"

"Luxord wanted me to get away from Larxene. I didn't agree. If I had, I would be in a plane SEAT instead of the cargo area. I feel rather remorseful now."

Xemnas frowned. "Yes, yes, that's good, Number VI. I was wondering, do you think you could get me a coffee? Preferably black. And don't make any puns about that."

Zexion gave an audible sigh. "Sir, with all due respect, how am I supposed to do that? I'm tied up, not to mention I'm in a cargo bay of a plane. Which is currently in flight."

"I see, Number VI." This statement was a blatant lie. Xemnas, like most evil organization leaders, did not understand a simple "cannot." He could deal with "will not," "should not," and "I gotta' go to the bathroom," but the fact that someone could not physically get him a coffee could not enter his brain.

:"Number VI, I'm not kidding, I want that coffee and I want it NOW."

"Sir, I'm aching to give you a punch in the mouth right now, but I can't do that either. You'll just have to wait."

The punch in the mouth. That was something that Xemnas recognized. "Don't back talk me, young man."

"And don't talk like my mother. It's the most annoying thing in the world and Vexen does it all the time. No one wants to be like Vexen, am I right?"

Xemnas shuddered. "That _laugh_."

Zexion smiled in the darkness. "I'm glad we agree. At least you don't have to live around it, right?"

"Right," Xemnas concurred.

"Hi, I'm Bob!" a squeaky voice proclaimed right next to Xemnas's ear.

Now, let me tell you… that scream that ensued echoed for miles. You just have to feel sorry for the passengers of the plane.

- - -

Larxene had been bored. So very bored. When you are bored like Larxene does, you're so bored that you MAKE something to do. You do something even if it isn't interesting. So Larxene decided to that. She decided to read travel brochures.

Larxene had been reading about Hawaii when the alarms went off. They rattled about in her head and spread to her hands, eventually making her drop the Hawaii brochure in frustration. She was about ready to call for Bertha when she realized that she had dropped Bertha as a one-time deal after the line quoting had gotten on her nerves. Soon after she heard Bertha hit on the guard, so there would be no retribution.

After the alarm had gotten sufficiently on her nerves, Larxene decided to find the source. Following her (rather handy) electrical senses, she made her way to the escape door. On her way she saw Saix killing bunnies and guessed that this was his version of licking his wounds. How pitiful.

The door was still slightly open, as the automatic closing mechanism in it had been harmed by Luxord's crash into it. Larxene frowned and kicked down the door like a piece of Styrofoam. It was impressive and majestic, despite the impossibility of the event. Larxene smiled. She loved being impossible, as Vexen said. She could tell it to him; he would be happy enough. He always loved it when his woeful remarks came true.

The bright sunlight stung the woman's eyes as she came out into the open. The bright, cheery 'hello' from behind seemed to sting as well. Before she could snub Luxord once again, she was locked in the women's bathroom. Curse those time powers.

- - -

The Group (Demyx, Marluxia, Lexaeus, and Xaldin—that being in order alphabetically and possibly manliness) was not doing well. Marluxia had tried to mutiny several times and Demyx had tried to drown himself, which just made Marluxia laugh and crow at all the water his plants were getting, which in turn made Demyx angry and he tried to drown Marluxia. Gasp. You all knew it was coming. I'm sure you were all waiting for them to go insane, then kill each other like little flies. Well, I'm sorry. Marluxia didn't quite die. No, Marluxia did anything but die. He gagged and spluttered and swore (later Demyx claimed he was just washing out Marluxia's mouth for all that dirty language), but eventually a vine snaked its way over to Demyx and tripped him up, landing him face up on the pond of a floor.

Xaldin had considered breaking up the fight, but decided against it on the grounds that there was nothing better to do. However, Lexaeus spent his time trying to figure out what the strange noise in the women's bathroom was. As the fight lasted around thirty minutes and was rather loud in all instances, Lexaeus never got quite the listening capabilities that he was wanting, which was disappointing. In fact, one of the most distracting things was the loud bursts of laughter that Xaldin gave every five minutes or so.

As you know Xaldin, his laughs can be rather distracting (I ain't even going INTO his smiles.). In fact, _rather_ is an understatement. It's more like, "Stop what you're doing and prepare for a flood!" or, "There's a typhoon coming and we have NO CLUE when it's going to hit so run while you still can!" Xaldin's laughs are frightening and if a man valued his masculinity, he would covet Xaldin's laughs will all he had in him. And, yes, if you were wondering, Vexen was VERY jealous of Xaldin's laughs. …yes, I'll stop with all the caps lock. But case in point, it was like a mini-earthquake every time that Xaldin laughed and you really can't blame Lexaeus for not being able to hear Larxene's screeches of indignation or the way she violently kicked the door… and all the walls.

As I mentioned Larxene kicking a door down quite easily before, a question may arise. "Why was Larxene not able to kick down the bathroom door?" Well, let me tell you—those bathroom doors are really made of something these days. I'm not sure why, but I think I gain a pound of muscle every time I push one open. What's more, the walls are probably made of the same thing; they're cold and hard and seems like a super villain might even be able to take out one of those pesky heroes with them. That's how thick and hard and heavy those walls are.

So it wasn't until the end of the skirmish that Lexaeus finally deciphered the noises, at which point he turned around poked Xaldin in the shoulder. Xaldin sighed and took his eyes away from a sopping Demyx and Marluxia. "What is it?"

"Well," Lexaeus said with a thin smile, "I think I know where Larxene is."

"And dot dot dot?"

"She's locked in the women's bathroom and she can't get out."

Xaldin snorted and barely held back another laugh. "You have GOT to be joking."

"No," Lexaeus sighed. "Put your ear to the door and take a listen."

Xaldin complied within a moment or two and listened for about the same length of time. "…I think you're right," he said after a while. "This is really too good to be true."

"Nah," Luxord said as he zipped in from his comfortable little warp zone, "it's just too good for a NORMAL story. But we aren't normal." Then he disappeared like a good Luxord.

Lexaeus gave a dry cough and held up a finger. "You know, he has a point."

Xaldin sighed. "I guess our little trip outside has all gone to waste, aside from Marluxia and Demyx making total fools of themselves. Let's go back to the room and see if Vexen has found out anything."

It was at this point in time that the guard from who knows how many chapters back decided to show his face. Demyx looked up just in time to see him advancing menacingly over the water-covered floor.

"How convenient," he moaned. And, truly, it was.

- - -

Vexen had finished all his stacks of papers and had now been routed into a game of Mother May I? with Axel, Roxas and Xigbar. Xigbar decided to be the (deluded) Mother and no one really complained, because he was the man with the two rapid-fire guns. Vexen was left at the start because he kept asking to be put forward to a higher rank in the Organization instead of five skips or three baby steps, but Axel was midway to Xigbar, and Roxas was only a few steps away from the goal.

"This is a very stupid game," Vexen complained. "You can't do anything useful in it. There's no way to gain money or insight. There's no way to gain _advantages_."

"You have to keep playing until someone wins," frowned the man with the two rapid-fire guns. Vexen shut up from then on and concentrated seriously on the crab walk.

In a few moments, of course, Roxas had won, but Axel still congratulated Vexen on his good sportsmanship. Roxas did a victory dance while Vexen tried to start up a game of Name the Elements in Alphabetical Order, but no one took him up on it. A knock on the door bashed all the Nobodies out of their reveries and Roxas opened the door carefully. There sat a tiny bunny with a ragged black-cloth bow tie around its neck. It held a note clamped between its trembling paws reading, "HELP MEEEEEEEeeeee arrrrgh" Roxas slowly closed the door and locked it, trembling. He turned around and said in a voice laden with despair, "Saix ran out of happy pills again."


	8. Nikes Are Bad for You

Vexen had given the bunny a thorough examination. The poor creature still hadn't stopped shivering, not to mention holding up the sign in anguished manner every five seconds. The sign holding did not, of course, help with the examination, making Vexen angrier by the minute. By the end, he was shaking as mush as the bunny for completely opposite reasons. Roxas leaned uncomfortably over to Xigbar and asked in a low voice, "Does Vexen need happy pills too?"

"Nah," Xigbar said smugly. "Those never worked on him. Only thing that did was a pretty woman or a helpless lab experiment. As there are no pretty women around Castle Oblivion, we had to make do with sacrificing villagers to the vial."

"There were villagers? So THAT'S why the World That Never Was has so many buildings," Roxas said contemplatively.

"Did you think we built them ourselves?" Xigbar frowned, crossing his arms, eyes still pinned on Vexen.

"With our dastardly mind rays?" Axel added spookily.

"Shut up," Xigbar grinned. "We're getting to the exiting part of the show."

"And this," Axel explained to Roxas, "is what they had to do back in Xigbar's day when there were no video games."

"Wowwwwwwww," Roxas said appreciatively. "I have a new respect for old people."

Xigbar and Vexen turned to stare at Roxas. It's that sort of dull stare that is laden with hate and 'you better say your prayers, boy' thoughts. Roxas inched behind Axel and twiddled his thumbs nervously.

Vexen looked up at the ceiling gave a deep sigh. "You just called me old, correct?" It was a rhetorical question. A dangerous sort of warning question. Axel shoved Roxas out into the open and threw himself onto a couch. Roxas continued to twiddle his thumbs, speeding up the process as the seconds passed. Xigbar shrugged and began to look at Roxas as Vexen turned around.

"Boy," Vexen said menacingly, "There's something I need to show you."

- - -

Xemnas heard the scream from afar. It was a sound of anguish and horror and pain. "That is the sound of ultimate suffering," he said dully.

"Roxas got the bunny treatment," Zexion said. "I knew it was coming to him." The cargo bay was silent for a few moments. "Superior?"

"What, Six?"

"I think _that_ scream loosened these ropes."

"Then you can get me my coffee, right?"

"…No, Superior."

- - -

Larxene knew one thing. She was losing the war. But Larxene also knew something else. She was winning the battle. All the kicking and screaming and shouting in the bathroom had come to one effect. A key, which had been firmly latched on the top of the doorframe, well out of her reach, had fallen to the floor. The woman picked up the key and held it up to the light in a rather smug, cliché way. It glinted ever-so-slightly with glee perhaps more evil than Larxene's own. At last, it was free! Free to put under its dominion all these miserable humans that had stuffed it up there on the doorframe! Free to—ugh— oomph—why was this _woman_ stuffing it into a keyhole? It was so undignified. And, what—oh, how lame. She put it back on the top of the doorframe to wait in misery. The end of the world was delayed once again.

Larxene strode out into the fluorescent light of the corridor. Her lips curled up into a smile. "I'm back," she called out in a singsong voice. "Come and catch me." She strode off purposefully for the locked office room. Game time was up and surely the security of the office wasn't half as important as a lady's privacy. The door was bound to be weaker.

Just down the hall, in the opposite direction from the one Larxene was headed, Demyx grinned nervously up at the guard, who by now had his foot stamped forcefully down on the Nobody's chest. "Just what are you folks planning on doing?" he asked, his arms crossed. "I hope that it's nothing against the airport's policies of… making a giant greenhouse out of the lobby." Marluxia's happy dance around the room (setting up flowerpots and creeping vines) stopped short. Xaldin and Lexaeus leaned forward in interest, as if one man. The air was humming with tension.

:"I have to go potty," Demyx said in a small voice.

"Do you really?" The guard shook his head. "I think what you really have to do is clean up this mess. What are you, anyway, a rock band?"

"Organization," Marluxia muttered as he went to pick up his plants and stuff them in his (apparently expandable) pockets.

"Whatever. Just get cleaning."

Demyx sniffled. Xaldin rolled his eyes. "We really don't have time for this, you know." Lexaeus sighed and pulled out his journal again.

_Lexaeus's Journal_

_Entry #3_

_It looks like Xaldin will use his coup de grace. On a janitor. No, no, I know what you're thinking—wow, he's gonna' pull out a wind dragon in the middle of an airport? That's so awesome! Well, sorry to say that the dragon is a fairly mild thing out of Xaldin's arsenal. No, what I think he's going to do—oh, wait. Looks like I was right._

_For future reference, hitting people over the head with fists like Xaldin's really's the ticket out of things. Never turn your back on the wind. Seriously._

_It looks like I better get up and moving._

- - -

Roxas was cowering in the corner, trying to pull the (sadly deceased—that IS that nice way to put it, isn't it?) bunny out of his leg. It was cold and stiff and took forever to pry out. Vexen had returned to his desk and was now viciously tearing papers out of a phonebook. Axel was sitting rigidly on the couch and Xigbar had seemed to decide to take a nap—while suspended in midair.

At last, with a loud popping sound, the bunny came free. Roxas sighed and tried to imagine how much munny he would have to pay Marluxia to patch up his coat.

It was only a few seconds after that the door to the office began to be assaulted.

It seemed that someone was kicking the door—though it may have been punches, or elbows, or something very forceful. But of course, it didn't really matter, because all the Nobodies knew at once what it was. An angry woman.

To them, it didn't really matter WHICH angry woman it was, it was just scary. Scary beyond belief. An angry woman doesn't play fair. If it were Larxene, she wouldn't even play fair on normal days any more than you would willingly eat maggots for no prize. And I mean seriously no prize—no wow factor, no money, and no fulfilling the need to survive. Fairness was pretty much like that with Larxene. It simply didn't exist.

So of course, the first thing that happened was Roxas screamed out, "We're doomed!" The second thing that happened was Xigbar fell out of the sky and onto the floor. The third thing that happened was Axel went from sitting ON the couch to hiding UNDER the couch. And the fourth thing that happened was Vexen immediately stopped tearing the pages out of the phonebook, which was a good thing, because the pages were almost gone and who knows what he'd want to tear up next.

The door began to buckle. Roxas decided to join Axel under the couch. Vexen smiled briefly and strode over to the door, then opened it, timing it perfectly just as Larxene (for it was she) was about to land another well-placed kick. The woman was caught off balance and the look of rage was still on her face as Vexen tipped her lightly over onto her face. "Zexion's not here, if you were wondering."

Larxene got up quickly. "I see," she said contemplatively. "You shipped him off somewhere, didn't you?"

Vexen returned to his desk, still calm. "_I_ didn't."

"Luxord did," Xigbar interjected. "And he's not here."

"Well," Larxene said, "you four are here. Axel, Roxas, your feet are sticking out." Axel and Roxas groaned—well, on Roxas's part, it was more of a whimper—but the point still stands. "Roxas," Larxene said in a suddenly concerned voice, "Nikes are bad for you, didn't you know that?"

Roxas had just extricated himself from under the couch and he thusly whipped his head around, eyebrows down in a rather crushed expression. "No they aren't!"

"Vexen's done tests."

The scientist shrugged and smiled as Roxas looked nervously over at him. "I have; it's true." Larxene smiled over at Vexen and they both enjoyed a really pleased feeling that tingled down to their toes.

"I…" Roxas bit his lip. "What shoes ARE good for me?"

"Reeboks," Larxene replied instantly. Roxas looked over at Vexen for confirmation (don't ask ME why he trusts him) and Vexen laced his fingers together and beamed. Roxas looked down at his feet and began to breathe a little faster.

"All this time," he muttered. "I'd been deceived. How… how could I avoided this crisis?" Then, with a wild-eyed look, he screeched out at no one in particular, "But _they were on SALE_!" The boy fell to his knees melodramatically and Larxene relaxed. Power. It felt good—after all, it'd been a full twenty minutes since she had felt so cruel. It was such a _long_ period.

"Well," Vexen shrugged, "you could wear your pink bunny slippers."

Roxas looked suspiciously over at Vexen. "How did you know that I even owned those?"

Axel dragged the last of himself out from under the couch (as he had been doing so for the whole conversation). "I asked and he told," Vexen replied, jerking his head in Axel's direction.

"Axeeeeeeeeeel," Roxas growled. Larxene snickered and leaned a bit more comfortably against the wall. Xigbar crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"Give it up little dude," he said. "Vexen goes on an inquisition every month to take inventory. It isn't Eight's fault. Speaking of inquisitions…" Xigbar turned to eye Larxene. "What are you going to do?"

"Oh…" Larxene frowned. "I don't know. It's getting boring here. I'd like to get back to the World."

Vexen raised an eyebrow. "You aren't going to kill us all—or just Zexion?"

Larxene smiled grimly and cracked her knuckles. "Oh, I wouldn't give it up. But if you think about it, it would be easier to catch Zexion in our home territory."

Xigbar nodded. "Of course, you'd have an advantage."

Larxene nodded serenely. "Yes… and then I'd have more time on my hands to _rip his little ears off._"

Both Roxas and Axel's hands came surreptitiously up to their heads as they felt carefully to make sure that their ears were well protected. Then Xigbar got up and looked around the corner. "Dudes, Xaldin's coming back."

Roxas frowned. "How did YOU know that?"

Xigbar's mouth curled into yet another smile. "Pointy ears, dude. They work double time."


	9. Outtake Time!

Zexion gave a shout of surprise. "Mister Fluffy! I didn't think you'd turn up this side of autumn." Mister Fluffy the iguana stared morosely back at Zexion. The Nobody paid no attention and smiled. "Wow, Mister Fluffy, how have you survived? Eaten many squirrels?" Mister Fluffy blinked one—two times. Zexion took this as an agreement, nodded vigorously, then picked up his pet. "Man, I've gotta' go collect my munny from Xigbar. He thought he'd win this bet, but you beat him. This is a great day in both our lives. Maybe we can eat properly for a change." Mister Fluffy decidedly secretly while in Zexion's arms that anything would be better than 'eating properly.' It must be a horrid thing if it made Zexion happy.

- - -

Xigbar looked up from his paperwork piled desk to Zexion. "What is it Number Si—wait! How did you find that hideous creature?"

Zexion smiled naively. "Mister Fluffy found _me_, Xigbar. Aren't I the luckiest Nobody in The World That Never Was? He _likes_ me. I've never felt more appreciated in my life." Mister Fluffy turned his head slowly over to look at Xigbar, his eyes big and black.

"I swear—" Xigbar gave an aggravated sound. "That animal is dying in your arms, Six. Give him here."

"What?" Zexion shied away. "You are NOT taking Mister Fluffy away from me!"

Xigbar massaged his forehead with one gloved hand. "Then put him down and quit holding him like that. It's the worst way to hold an iguana."

Zexion laced his fingers tightly under Mister Fluffy. "How do you know anything about iguanas, Xigbar?"

Xigbar paused. "You didn't know I was a zoologist? Shame on you."


	10. And In a Flash of Black—

Xemnas and Zexion had gotten out of the cargo hold. First, Zexion's ropes had loosened enough so that he could wiggle out, then he debated untying Xemnas. He debated and debated, but after a long, long time (Xemnas tried to kick him) he decided, why not? If he were going to get out, he'd need a shield. A shield to catch all the steaming hot first class dinners.

When, at last, Xemnas was free, the first thing he demanded was that Zexion get him some coffee. Zexion broke the forth wall and complained to the readers about how LAME that was and didn't they agree? Xemnas tapped his foot through the whole speech.

In the end, however, the two Nobodies managed to get into the regular sections of the planes and when they emerged from the bathrooms, two black coated figures with strange hair, the passengers immediately freaked out. Xemnas smiled benevolently on them and walked through all the steaming dinners that were being thrown from every angle. When at last he had gotten through the rigmarole that is first class, he approached the pilot's door. Xemnas knocked lightly on the door and after a "come in" from the inside he opened the door with a bang and the plane mysteriously began to encounter dramatic storms—even though there was still nothing on the radar.

Zexion began to hum and back away from the first class passengers who were steadily advancing upon him. He backed straight into Xemnas, who toppled into the pilot, who's face smashed down on the controls, which sent the plane into a wild spin. The copilot screamed in delight. This was his chance to prove himself at last! He looked down determinedly at the console. Now, what made the plane go up? The co-pilot giggled nervously. Zexion nibbled on his finger briefly then summoned a Dummies book on how to fly planes. The Nobody thoughtfully elbowed the still giggling copilot to the side and took charge of the controls. He's smart like that.

Zexion cracked his knuckles, dutifully ignoring Xemnas's battle with the now up-and-at-'em pilot, who was still thrilled that he could use his boxing skills on an airplane. The plane slowly swung around from its current destination (where WAS it going, anyway? The South Pole?) and began to head back to the airport—Nobody haven—even if it was where Larxene was busy throwing a fit. Nothing was worse than getting Nothing frostbitten. The co-pilot wiggled from his squashed position. Darn, he'd lost his advantage.

Meanwhile, Xemnas was battling for his life. Non-life. Whatever. His hands were up in what he thought was a blocking position, but was really just grinding non-bone to non-bone as the fists slammed into him out of nowhere. Miraculously, none of them touched his face. _Gee,_ Xemnas thought happily, _at least I can still please the fangirls. I think my day is perfect._ The worst part about this thought is that it wasn't sarcastic in the least. It was totally, brutally honest. Particularly the "Gee" part, because it's a cute little expression and just too funny to miss out on.

The pilot paused, out of breath, wondering how anyone could withstand his blows and still have a dreamy expression on their face. This particular pilot is the first to see this particular species. No, not a Nobody. A Neo-Narcissus. The ultimate egotist. The pilot shuddered, suddenly overcome with horror as he realized that no mortal blow could kill this fiend. Only someone pure of heart and Keyblade—but that's another story. Xemnas, still in his daze, didn't quite notice as the pilot pushed him fearfully out of the cockpit and into the arms of the critical stewardesses. The door to the cockpit shut with a frightfully ominous clang. Zexion, a boxing pilot, and a useless co-pilot all stuck in a small cockpit together.

- - -

Lexaeus's Journal 

_Entry #4_

_We're back in the office. But, what gives? Larxene's back, seemingly pacified. I don't trust her. Wait, I never trust her, do I? No, of course not. That would be stupid._

_The room here is pretty cramped, just like it was when I left. I wonder what everyone's been up to. I spot a rabbit carcass on the floor and a lot of pages from a directory of some sort. A couple chairs are misplaced and the couch has been moved off its normal resting-place, I should guess, because there are indents in the floor that look rather like the couch legs._

_I take that back. Maybe I don't want to know what they've been up to._

_It also appears that we'll be leaving this cursed airport soon enough. However, we have to round up Xemnas, Zexion, Saix, and Luxord. Help us all._

Vexen tapped a pencil on his desk rhythmically and thought. Xaldin had accosted the lone security guard and Marluxia and Demyx were soaked. The guard was probably going to be up and around sooner than later and they had four people missing. The easiest person to find might be Saix—all they'd have to do is follow the trail of carnage.

"Then it's decided," Vexen said out of the blue.

Demyx's head flashed around. "What's decided?"

"We're going to find Saix," Vexen said with his 'what, were you not listening?' face.

Demyx nodded and kept on nodding more and more slowly as he thought about what Vexen had said. About a minute later, by the time Vexen had assembled a team he looked up. "You're going to do _what_?!"

Vexen marched out the door followed by Larxene and Xigbar. All three Nobodies paid no attention.

Larxene smiled as she looked up at the lights in the hall. "If Saix considers you all PETA freaks, then I would suppose he wouldn't be anywhere near here."

"You're right," Xigbar sighed as his body came back to where it should have been. "He's nowhere in the area."

"However," Larxene held up a finger, "I do have one idea of where to look."

Vexen smiled. "Do tell."

- - -

Saix was crouched in a feral position behind the snack machine, which was displaced by about three feet and cast just enough of a shadow to make Saix's eyes glow effectively.

"Just like a big cat." Vexen's mouth pulled into a thoroughly disgusted look and he distanced himself while Xigbar helped Larxene.

Saix growled angrily at Larxene who was blocking his path, then he whirled around to snap at Xigbar, who had appeared right behind him.

"I do think," Larxene commented, "that Axle has given Saix rabies. I had always suspected that man was a carrier…"

Xigbar shrugged and shifted the run that he had materialized to aim at Saix's forehead. "Maybe. But it appears that he won't go peacefully, no matter what the cause."

"No problem." Larxene snapped her fingers and electricity played around them.

Xigbar grinned. "I like your style." Saix whirled back around to face Larxene, his bared teeth and bright eyes glinting in the bright light.

"I love doing this," Larxene said, an almost pleasant look on her face. Then, in a blink of an eye, her hands jerked down to touch the tip of Saix's nose (it was the closes thing to her—awfully pointy and long) and a massive charge traveled into said Nobody's head. He was stunned for a moment, then shook his head rather like a dog and stood up slowly.

"That was uncalled for," Saix muttered.

"Of COURSE it wasn't." Larxene brushed her hands off.

"_Uncalled for._" Saix stressed.

"Whatever, dude," Xigbar said. "You need to come back with us."

"Since when were you siding with THEM?!" Saix glared at Larxene as menacingly as he could.

"Plot progression," Larxene replied with a smirk.

Xigbar teleported out of the tight space to all the way across the room. "Then, well, come on dudes! We still have three people to round up."

Saix looked blank. "What's happened? The last thing I remember was chasing bunnies around the airport with my large pointy sword thing.

"Claymore," Larxene muttered. "And," she continued in a louder voice, "I can catch you up on a few things while we walk back to the office."

"The office?" Saix walked after Larxene as she pulled away towards Xigbar

"Previously called the Rebel Base."

Saix gave a toothy grin and imitated a large laser destroying a small planet. Not that I'm talking about anything in particular. You know.

Of course, by now, Vexen had already reached Xigbar and was tsk-tsking impatiently—it was totally out of habit and not a tsk-tsk sort of tsk-tsking. Uh. Moving on.

Saix sauntered towards the exit of the snack area and Larxene followed close behind. Saix's mind was obviously still on other things (that possibly gave off little lazer sounds) and Larxene wanted to make sure he went in the right direction. The two joined Vexen and Xigbar and then they stalked off to find Luxord… who really had to want to be found, come to think of it.

- - -

Axel was beginning to think that the room was better when he was living in fear of Larxene than when it was so stuffed full. The room wasn't terribly full, per se, but the noise generated by Demyx and Marluxia was overwhelming, not to mention the looks that Lexaeus kept giving him every moment. Not to mention he was writing after every look in a little red notebook about the size of his palm (it wasn't a tiny notebook… but Lexaeus has rather large palms) after every single hard stare. It was unnerving and Axel was growing more and more sure about his theory that Lexaeus could read minds.

Of course, on the other side of things, Lexaeus was _also_ annoyed by Demyx and Marluxia. They had picked up their old argument after around ten minutes of wondering what to argue about, then realizing that thinking up a new topic would simply take too much work. So there they were, standing right next to Lexaeus's ears (or close enough that it counted), screaming about potted plants and the need to hydrate yourself properly and the wanton waste of water on the floor of the main foyer of the airport and other things like that. Overall, it was very pleasant and non-interruptive. It was so uninterruptive that Lexaeus had to keep looking up every minute blankly, as he had lost his train of thought on what he was going to write because of the cacophony that seemed to be sounding off in his brain continually.

It was for this reason that Axel was being creeped out. Everything has a chain reaction.

Another thing that linked to this chain reaction was Luxord. More importantly, Luxord popped into the room just to see what the noise was about, because it sounded very strange in his time warp and Luxord was a very inquisitive man. When he saw it was Marluxia and Demyx cat fighting over water, he burst into laughter, bought a soda from the vending machine, shook it up, sprayed it in their faces, then sat down on a couch like he'd been there all along.

Of course, it just so happened that neither of the two arguers had any idea of what had just happened, because who DOES know what happens in a warped time continuum after all, so they both accused each other at exactly the same time and poked the other in the eye. It was all just a bit too much for Roxas, who HAD noticed Luxord because he had sat down beside him, so he decided to go out in the hall and cry for a while and perhaps even see if he could buy some new shoes, because Larxene's comment was still bothering him.

So this was all very convenient for the reason that Luxord had decided to come out of hiding and watch the fun and Roxas had gone outside just in time to see the event of his little Nobody life take place.

What was this event? Why, it was Zexion landing a plane for the first time in HIS little Nobody life. It was a plane crash landing right on its nose, and it was that no one got hurt because of the spectacular job the handy men had done at installing air bags in the back of the plane seats. Not that the passengers were too thankful for almost being smothered.

But Roxas got outside just in time to see the spectacular event and he stayed stunned until he saw Xemnas emerging triumphant from a gaping hole in the plane's side, followed closely by Zexion, who was still amazed that he had landed a plane—not minding that it was rather half hazard.

Larxene had noticed the plane out of the corner of her eye somewhere halfway across the airport and had whispered to Xigbar that he might as well escort them to some viable doorway, which Xigbar promptly agreed to and disappeared. Vexen had turned around a little while later to discover that Xigbar had apparently disappeared and by the time they had reached the door that Xigbar, Xemnas, and Zexion had come in, he was none the wiser. Vexen was rather ticked off at this.

However, one way or another, Vexen and Zexion were back safely in the airport. Xemnas was very pleased with himself. Every step that Zexion took was more nerve-wracking. Xigbar was pushing him ahead, and Larxene was behind him every step he took. Every single stinking step.

And you're like, "But, she's not going to get him until they're back at the World that Never Was, right?" Well, yeah. But it's not like Zexion knew anything about that.

Then Xigbar noticed the tense look on Zexion's face and leaned over his shoulder, thoroughly scaring him, and said, "If you were wondering, she's not going to kill you now."

Zexion gave a sigh of relief.

"Not until we're home, at least."

Well. Now he knows. But, anyway, returning to the thing that's not quite a story line, Vexen decided that they would look for Luxord after they dropped off all their new refugees (well, he had decided that as soon as they had picked up Saix, because he couldn't stand the man, but that's beside the point) at the office. So they walked through the rest of the airport, and narrowly avoided the lone security guard, who had struck up a conversation with Bertha (what, did you think that she wouldn't turn up again?) and by many nefarious means made it back to the office. Roxas was still standing outside the office when they walked up the hall and he turned and gave a sigh of relief.

"I guess everyone's here now, so we can just get on with this going home thing, right?"

Vexen raised an eyebrow. "Everyone's here? You're forgetting the time freak."

"No…" Roxas said discontentedly. "He popped up ten minutes ago… I dunno."

"I see," Xemnas said, as if he had an idea of what was going on.

Larxene took the awkward silence to push Saix through the door into the dilapidated office. Everyone decided to follow her example, though Roxas took one last admiring glance at the crashed plane.

So finally, everyone was together again. All in the office. And all with one mind. To get out of this freaky airport. Xemnas wasn't quite sure, but Xaldin's assurances that it was all the better and they'd learned quite well what they'd came to do consoled him. As one collective mind, "Like the guys in those cubes and spheres!" Saix called out, they gathered into a circle around Xemnas.

"It is now the time to leave this endeavor," Xemnas began solemnly. A collective sigh of relief was heard around the room. "As I have been advised that it would not be the safest to leave by more generic means, we are going to portal out to the limousine."

"What?" Demyx cried out. "I thought that this place had some sort of portal barring thing on it!"

"You were mistaken," Xemnas said with a glare.

"Now… don't worry about scattered luggage, I'll have the Dusks pick them up," Xaldin said, stepping in for his rapidly failing leader. "It shouldn't make much more of a commotion that us coming here—"

Luxord let out a loud, "Hah!"

"—And we should get it back within the week."

"My rubber ducky!"

"We portal in thirty seconds." Xaldin smiled, because he liked to put finality on things. It was very pleasant. Maybe that's why he has eight lances. He likes to roast things double speed. I know. I hate those lances. They bite. Ooooh, they bite.

The circle was remarkably silent for the thirty seconds and Axel grabbed up one of the torn phonebook papers for memorabilia. Then, in a flash of black and swirliness, each Nobody portaled (Luxord grabbed Demyx into his portal, because Demyx had been spacing out at the time) and Larxene looked up one last time at the fluorescent lights.

"Thank goodness it's over."

* * *

Okay, yeah. I'm done. Finished. The end. Sorry that the plot was so incohesive and whatnot. But it wasn't planned, I hardly read back to even try, and I'm very proud that I got to crash a plane. Thank you for reading. I feel very light and free now. 

I finished before a year elapsed! HaHA.

So now I'm going to write other things because I'm going to try NaNoWriMo. So I need to practice my mass writing skillz. ...what? I have a better plot that time around. So. Once again. Thank you for reading. It's been an interesting show.


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